I have started writing a fortnightly spiritual column in the Daily Guardian newspaper. My first article ‘Be your own best friend’ was published on June 22, 2020.
I am posting the content of the column below:
Are you your own best friend?
When we are alone with ourselves, instead of feeling bored or lonely, that time would be much better spent by looking inwards and introspecting. If this lockdown has a silver lining, this is one of them – it has given us a chance to slow down and look inwards. It has given us a chance to think about what truly matters in life. Our family, our health (physical, mental and spiritual) and our happiness.
But we have also seen and heard lately about the growing problem of depression. People are feeling lonely and lost. There is a simple solution to this. Love yourself and become your own best friend.
Loving yourself and being your own best friend is as important as breathing. Now this does not mean that you become selfish, self centered or narcissistic. On the contrary, it makes you more loving, attentive and compassionate towards others. Unless you love yourself first how can you spread love to others?
Physical life is a journey that our souls are experiencing. It is a journey to evolve through experience, to learn through feelings and relationships and it is a chance to work out and balance our karma created in other lives and some from this life. The importance of self love cannot be understated. For our soul to complete its mission effectively it is important to be happy. It makes life a lot more pleasant to traverse through. Self love is the quickest and most efficient route to true happiness.
When you fall in love with somebody or something you want to cultivate that by spending time with the person or thing you love. A new hobby you cultivate often feels like it is the best thing in the world. Now here is the secret to ensure that you are always happy in any situation that life brings you to.
Do not get attached to the point that you can not be happy without it. Some attachment to our loved ones – family, friends, etc. is natural and necessary. Love is never meant to be indifferent. Love is meant to be unconditional.
However the reality is we have no control over anybody else. We can only control our own self and our own reaction to others or outside events. That is where the whole concept of self love and being your own best friend comes in.
You are your own only eternal companion. If we learn to love ourselves and be our own best friend, life will be a lot easier. From the time we were created in the great bosom of the Cosmos, we have travelled far and wide from lifetime to lifetime encased in different bodies but in each lifetime we were our own true companion. Others are there and then go away.
In physical life we become attached to material things and to people. The idea of being in love is a great thing and is something that we should all do. But the feeling that we can ‘not live without’ someone else (whoever it is) is not correct.
Why should we be our own best friend? Why should we love ourselves? Well the answer is simple. When you love yourself, only then can you truly love others unconditionally. The kind of love that is divine love is unconditional in nature. It is not reserved only for somebody in certain circumstances. Of course as human beings in families and society we all get attached to our family and friends and this is normal. But our happiness and love should not be dependent on others.
When we become emotionally dependent on others it is the beginning of potentially disastrous consequences. Why do we hear so many cases nowadays about depression and people living miserable lonely lives and even taking their own life? This is because people are becoming too attached to external things to make them happy.
The idea that you can be happy only if so and so is in your life or if you get X or Y thing is one of life’s delusions and fallacies. It is a part of the facade that this world is designed to make you believe. We must overcome this by looking inwards and remembering that we are our own only true eternal companion. When we learn to love ourselves first in a non selfish way that is when transformation and spiritual evolution progresses.
When you are your own best friend and love yourself, you will never be lonely. You will be able to enjoy your own company and be able to communicate with yourself. Self communication is very important. Talk to yourself – out loud. Go somewhere where you can be alone for a few minutes every day and talk to yourself out loud – just like you talk to other people. Discuss your thoughts, fears, ideas, worries with yourself as if you are talking to somebody else. In time, you will be amazed by the answers you will get. In truth, the positive, loving and powerful ideas you are getting are coming from your Higher Self – that part of your soul which is always in the higher spiritual realms. ‘You’ as you know yourself in this physical human consciousness is only one tiny aspect of your full self.
When you love yourself you are loving God (Creator/Source) for we are all small parts of God. Invest time and energy into building a solid loving relationship with yourself. This will make you happier in your daily life as you soon realise that true happiness is dependent only on one person and that is – you! Nobody else can make you sad or happy unless you want it!
Love everyone but know that everything is in passing. ‘This too shall pass’ as the saying goes. Channel the love of the cosmos through you and build it up. Then spread it outwards. Be the love. Be the receiver, transformer and transmitter of that divine love. Know that you are your own best friend and nobody can make you sad, lonely and unhappy unless you permit it. If people are there in your life good, if they are not, well that is Ok too. You are the only one who will always be there with you within God. This is not a possibility but a fact.
Be your own best friend!
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